ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
