I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my being single is dangerous.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
