His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
