So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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