I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
