Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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