im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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