If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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