Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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