hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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