69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we're so committed to being not committed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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