when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
