we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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