i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
