can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
