Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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