i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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