You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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