my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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