maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
