So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Pooping to opera.
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