Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
