I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
