Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
