It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You took a bar mat shot.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
