she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
