I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
