I showed him my bush... on skype.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
