Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
