I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
