we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
