I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
