i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
