Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i would punch a child for taco bell
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
