happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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