Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
