I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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