im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
