I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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