So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
