I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
