you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
