life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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