Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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