I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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