You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
