thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
