frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
