I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
