I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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