we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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