when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
