How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The power of my boobs compel you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
