i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
